As the Head of School for Clairbourn, caring for our parents, in addition to students and staff, is always on my mind. Recently, an in-depth article from DevelopmentalScience.com caught my eye called, “Pandemic 2020: Will the Kids Be All Right? Lessons on Parenting from 100 Years of Crises.” It contains a lot of helpful explanations and advice for parents dealing with their fears about how to raise children successfully in the midst of so much uncertainty.
Can children go on to lead successful lives and flourish in the face of educational disruptions and great adversity? Research shows that, while there are nine important elements that offer full coverage for children’s wellbeing, the real key to favorable outcomes boils down to one thing, and the good news is, it’s you!
- One stable adult matters. What kids need most to adapt well in adversity is “at least one stable, caring adult, someone who provides a secure psychological container and a scaffold for growth.” 1
- Remaining calm matters. “If their primary adult is calm, a child feels reassured. But if their adult is upset, the child feels unsafe, and their body and brain go into threat mode. And when the threat system is on too long without relief, physical and mental health problems can result.” 1
- Media exposure matters. Stay in control of media messages with all children and teens. Research has proved that repetitive, chronic exposure to media coverage can lead to PTSD in children even though no direct harm was experienced by them during the crisis.
- Getting help matters. Counseling and resources are vital for children who have experienced a loss/losses or have been exposed to sustained fearful situations due to the pandemic.
- Social support matters. “Children are most resilient when they’re embedded in a network of social support: a parent, a caring parent figure, and/or siblings…the support that works for children doesn’t have to be overly-precious or hyper-conscious. Rather, practical, positive decency offered by ordinary people will suffice…other committed adults can pinch-hit as caregivers just fine.” 1
- Parental self-care matters. “… your wellbeing is essential to you and your children… you don’t have to be perfect. Even in the healthiest relationships, parents are only “in-tune” with their children 30% of the time. What matters more is your flexibility to repair, to come back together, and perhaps to reunite at the end of a long day. Remember: the biggest lesson your children are learning from you is how to handle themselves in stressful situations.” 1
- Knowing your child matters. “Some children may need a little more attention and support than others because of their age or their sensitivities…infants, toddlers, preschoolers, and young teens need extra support and stress-buffering.” 1
- Dialing down matters. “…families that tend toward ‘overparenting’ can be at risk for fostering anxiety, as they strive to perfectly recreate the school learning environment at home in order to keep up with standardized testing and the college admissions cycle… [and they] …may benefit from dialing down excessive traditional educational demands.” 1
- Spiritual traditions matter. “A connection to something greater than ourselves—whether it’s a spiritual practice, cultural beliefs, or a sense of purpose—can help families and children orient their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Participating in a larger flow can feel supportive and calming. Children, even very young ones, enjoy and benefit from these kinds of feelings and experiences.” 1
Footnotes: 1Diana Divecha, Ph.D., “Pandemic 2020: Will the Kids Be All Right? Lessons on Parenting from 100 Years of Crises,” April 16, 2020, https://www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2020/4/15/pandemic-2020-will-the-kids-be-all-right-lessons-on-parenting-from-100-years-of-crises (accessed August 17, 2020)
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